10 Simple Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser
10 Simple Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser
People pleasing might not sound acceptable or bad to some people. Many people mistake people pleasing with being helpful to others. Being helpful to others requires some limits but pleasing people is an unhealthy habit that crosses all boundaries and goes beyond being helpful. I’ve compiled some simple tips to stop being a people pleaser in this post.
It took me a lot of time and effort to effectively understand the difference between being helpful and people pleasing. People pleasing is the unending urge to keep others happy while damaging one’s emotional, mental and in some cases physical health. Do you compromise a lot of your time to keep others happy and satisfied? Are you utterly obsessed over how people feel about you? Or do you find yourself agreeing to things even if you disagree? Read on to find out the simple and effective tips to stop being a people pleaser:
Set boundaries and stick to it.
Being helpful is a good thing but what happens when your kindness becomes too overwhelming and stressful? Saying no to someone or something doesn’t mean you’re not being considerate. The first tip to stop being a people pleaser is to set boundaries and stick to it. When you set boundaries, you’ll be able to focus and decide matters that are most important and comfortable to you.
Set out what you are able to do and stay within those boundaries and when you don’t feel comfortable with a certain person’s attitude or request, say what you want and don’t hesitate to express your feelings.
Practice putting yourself first
When your mental and emotional health are in jeopardy, then how will you help others? People pleasing requires you to constantly put yourself in other people’s matters while compromising or sacrificing yours. Putting yourself first will have to be my second tip to stop being a people pleaser because self-care is a very important practice. Taking care of yourself and needs or thinking and putting yourself first in most matters is not being selfish. It is rather called self-care.
When you think and take care of yourself, your mental and emotional health improves which will automatically give you the ability to think and assist others. Practice putting yourself first and taking care of yourself. The habit of taking care of yourself can also help in controlling your habit of pleasing people.
Learn to handle criticism
People don’t always seem to treat people pleasers right because of the fact that people pleasers are known to be givers. Yes people pleasers are always giving but they also have feelings and they also experience stress and fatigue. To effectively stop being a people pleaser, it is necessary to learn how to handle criticism because some people don’t always seem to take ‘NO’ in a good way especially when it is coming from a people pleaser.
Practice the habit of waiting and breathing in and out for a few seconds before replying to a certain critic’s comment. This will help you to calm your nerves and prevent the risk of you venting your displeasure in a negative way.
Recognize that you have choices
People pleasers often think that they are required to always say yes to any request that is thrown to them. It is important to know that a request always comes with two choices which are a ‘yes’ and a ‘no’ so learn to say NO when you don’t want to do something.
Remember that if you turn down a request, people are too wrapped up in their quest of getting another person to fulfill their request than worrying about your denial. They have many things to think about other than you so recognize the fact that you have choices.
Set your priorities straight
Setting priorities helps to keep your values over things in check which is an effective tip to stop being a people pleaser. It allows you to know what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with.
Ask yourself, “What are the things that are most important to you?” “What do you feel comfortable with?” These questions will help you to set your priorities and make saying NO easy which is another step away from not being a people pleaser.
Know that you can’t please everyone
People pleasers always believe that they have this bizarre responsibility to keep everyone happy. You need to understand the fact that you can’t keep everyone happy and that you can’t possibly please everyone. No matter what you do or how you do, there will always be some set of people that will not feel comfortable or satisfied with your decision, response or attitude. Remember that you can never be in control of any other person’s emotion other than yours.
People pleasers apologize a lot. Before apologizing for anything, ask yourself if you are really the one at fault for the situation. Never push yourself to apologize for things you’re not sorry for. Stop apologizing for things that you know are about you.
Don’t feel guilty or sorry if you are not able to grant your friend’s request. Remember that if you don’t stand up to protect yourself, no one will. Stop being a people pleaser and say or do what you want freely without feeling that you are obliged to anybody when you are not.
Strengthen your self-confidence
People pleasing often originates from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Most people that suffer from low self-confidence often pick up people pleasing. They always believe that pleasing others and keeping others happy will help them to rekindle their self-confidence.
You can strengthen your self-confidence by stopping the habit of comparing yourself to others, picking up the habit of positive self-talk or practicing journaling and gratitude. You can check out my post on self-confidence for more.
Get rid of toxic people
People pleasing often pave way for the presence of toxic people in one’s life. Toxic people are manipulators and flatterers and they take advantage of people especially when they know that you’re a people pleaser. It is important to watch out for these kinds of people.
Toxic people are those people that will always ask you for things that might end up leaving you drained or stressed. Desist from associating with these kinds of people and make sure to eliminate them from your life.
Visit a therapist
It is not easy to break free from a long standing habit of pleasing people especially if it is linked to a past emotional or mental trauma or past experiences.
You can visit a therapist who is someone that can effectively help you to cope or overcome this habit and also help you to break free from any kinds of past experiences or trauma. You can use the online therapy directory to get in touch with a therapist.
People pleasing might sound like a not so bad thing in your perspective but you need to understand that it is causing you more harm than good.
I hope you find the post helpful. Don’t forget to pin/tweet this post for later, share to your contacts or leave a comment below. Thanks for stopping.