Tips to stop being a people pleaser

10 Simple Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser

10 Simple Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser

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People pleasing might not sound acceptable or bad to some people. Many people mistake people pleasing with being helpful to others. Being helpful to others requires some limits but pleasing people is an unhealthy habit that crosses all boundaries and goes beyond being helpful. I’ve compiled some simple tips to stop being a people pleaser in this post.

It took me a lot of time and effort to effectively understand the difference between being helpful and people pleasing. People pleasing is the unending urge to keep others happy while damaging one’s emotional, mental and in some cases physical health. Do you compromise a lot of your time to keep others happy and satisfied? Are you utterly obsessed over how people feel about you? Or do you find yourself agreeing to things even if you disagree? Read on to find out the simple and effective tips to stop being a people pleaser:

Set boundaries and stick to it.

Being helpful is a good thing but what happens when your kindness becomes too overwhelming and stressful? Saying no to someone or something doesn’t mean you’re not being considerate. The first tip to stop being a people pleaser is to set boundaries and stick to it. When you set boundaries, you’ll be able to focus and decide matters that are most important and comfortable to you.

Set out what you are able to do and stay within those boundaries and when you don’t feel comfortable with a certain person’s attitude or request, say what you want and don’t hesitate to express your feelings.

Practice putting yourself first

When your mental and emotional health are in jeopardy, then how will you help others? People pleasing requires you to constantly put yourself in other people’s matters while compromising or sacrificing yours. Putting yourself first will have to be my second tip to stop being a people pleaser because self-care is a very important practice. Taking care of yourself and needs or thinking and putting yourself first in most matters is not being selfish. It is rather called self-care.

When you think and take care of yourself, your mental and emotional health improves which will automatically give you the ability to think and assist others. Practice putting yourself first and taking care of yourself. The habit of taking care of yourself can also help in controlling your habit of pleasing people.

Learn to handle criticism

People don’t always seem to treat people pleasers right because of the fact that people pleasers are known to be givers. Yes people pleasers are always giving but they also have feelings and they also experience stress and fatigue. To effectively stop being a people pleaser, it is necessary to learn how to handle criticism because some people don’t always seem to take ‘NO’ in a good way especially when it is coming from a people pleaser.

Practice the habit of waiting and breathing in and out for a few seconds before replying to a certain critic’s comment. This will help you to calm your nerves and prevent the risk of you venting your displeasure in a negative way.

Recognize that you have choices

People pleasers often think that they are required to always say yes to any request that is thrown to them. It is important to know that a request always comes with two choices which are a ‘yes’ and a ‘no’  so learn to say NO when you don’t want to do something.

Remember that if you turn down a request, people are too wrapped up in their quest of getting another person to fulfill their request than worrying about your denial. They have many things to think about other than you so recognize the fact that you have choices.

Set your priorities straight

Setting priorities helps to keep your values over things in check which is an effective tip to stop being a people pleaser. It allows you to know what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with.

Ask yourself, “What are the things that are most important to you?” “What do you feel comfortable with?” These questions will help you to set your priorities and make saying NO easy which is another step away from not being a people pleaser.

Know that you can’t please everyone

People pleasers always believe that they have this bizarre responsibility to keep everyone happy. You need to understand the fact that you can’t keep everyone happy and that you can’t possibly please everyone. No matter what you do or how you do, there will always be some set of people that will not feel comfortable or satisfied with your decision, response or attitude. Remember that you can never be in control of any other person’s emotion other than yours.

Stop apologizing

People pleasers apologize a lot. Before apologizing for anything, ask yourself if you are really the one at fault for the situation. Never push yourself to apologize for things you’re not sorry for. Stop apologizing for things that you know are about you.

Don’t feel guilty or sorry if you are not able to grant your friend’s request. Remember that if you don’t stand up to protect yourself, no one will. Stop being a people pleaser and say or do what you want freely without feeling that you are obliged to anybody when you are not.

Strengthen your self-confidence

People pleasing often originates from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Most people that suffer from low self-confidence often pick up people pleasing. They always believe that pleasing others and keeping others happy will help them to rekindle their self-confidence.

You can strengthen your self-confidence by stopping the habit of comparing yourself to others, picking up the habit of positive self-talk or practicing journaling and gratitude. You can check out my post on self-confidence for more.  

Get rid of toxic people

People pleasing often pave way for the presence of toxic people in one’s life. Toxic people are manipulators and flatterers and they take advantage of people especially when they know that you’re a people pleaser. It is important to watch out for these kinds of people.

Toxic people are those people that will always ask you for things that might end up leaving you drained or stressed. Desist from associating with these kinds of people and make sure to eliminate them from your life.

Visit a therapist

It is not easy to break free from a long standing habit of pleasing people especially if it is linked to a past emotional or mental trauma or past experiences.

You can visit a therapist who is someone that can effectively help you to cope or overcome this habit and also help you to break free from any kinds of past experiences or trauma. You can use the online therapy directory to get in touch with a therapist.

Bottom Line

People pleasing might sound like a not so bad thing in your perspective but you need to understand that it is causing you more harm than good.

Try and keep yourself happy first before keeping others happy and also try and improve yourself first before improving others. I hope this post helps you to effectively stop being a people pleaser

Simple Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser

I hope you find the post helpful. Don’t forget to pin/tweet this post for later, share to your contacts or leave a comment below. Thanks for stopping.

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13 thoughts on “10 Simple Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser

  1. I apologise far too much 🤦‍♀️ but removing toxic people from my life definitely helped me realise that I didn’t have to just go along with it, if I wasn’t comfortable then I didn’t have to do it.

  2. This post is something that I needed to read and do something about. I definitely am going to set more concrete boundaries and also try to put me first, which is a foreign concept. Thank you for this post.

    1. Amazing. These are truly all such great tips! I’ve been practicing sticking to my boundaries this year and it’s tough, but consistency is important. Next step is to stop apologizing. Thanks!

  3. This was such an interesting read and truly felt like I could. read me a lot on it! I always found difficult not to agree with people and trying to please everyone until I started to get rid of toxic friendships and put myself first. it’s a long journey but definitely one to have! Thanks for sharing x

  4. You have made some GREAT points here. I know that I struggle to put myself first in many situations, a struggle that I have had to learn to adapt and adjust to. That being said, I never really stopped to consider the fact that I apologize regularly when I can’t fit helping someone into my schedule (often because I have taken on too much from others). This really got me thinking.

  5. Great post! People pleasing can be extremely destructive. I spent a good chunk of my life as a people pleaser. The more I tried to please others, the more of myself I lost. Building my own sense of self-worth helped control it, but I still have to be careful not to slip into my old people pleasing habits. Thanks for sharing!

  6. I work with a couple of people who I tread on egg shells with. They’re both rude, demeaning, dismissive and quick to react. They make my working life unpleasant. One also has aspergers and the other possibly isn’t diagnosed so I find it hard to pull them up on their behaviour because I know they can’t help it. Instead I invest huge effort and energy in trying not to trigger them. I wish I had a thicker skin so the rudeness didn’t bother me.

  7. Really great advice here. I can definitely fall into people pleasing habits more than I would like. I think your advice about sticking to boundaries and putting yourself first as much as possible is really useful. I think sometimes we need to ‘experiment’ with putting ourselves first to prove that nothing awful will happen when we don’t. And then try a find a more helpful balance.

  8. This a post I really needed to read, I often find myself doing what’s best with others and your ideas about how to help set up some routines to ensure I’m still treating people well, but not at the expense of myself or my well being is important. It’s easier said than done to put into practice, but you’ve outlined some really easy achievable differences I can slowly make. Thanks!

  9. For a long time I have been a people pleaser. I am now slowly trying to stop being a people pleaser. It’s hard and their are tons I keep caring so much what others think of me and making sure everyone else is okay but I am learning it’s okay to set boundaries and make sure I am okay.

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