8 Warning Signs of a People Pleaser
8 Warning Signs of a People Pleaser
“It feels good to be accepted, loved and approved of by others, but often the membership fee to belong to that club is far too high of a price to pay” – Dennis Merrit Jones
Getting along with others is a good thing for a healthy social life but not at the cost of compromising your valuables and resources, and not at the cost of feeling emotionally drained when your social life isn’t blooming. Are you always too accommodating in your life? Or are you obsessed over what others think of you? Then you might be a people pleaser. I’ve compiled a list of signs that might prove that you’re a people pleaser as a recovering people pleaser myself:
They apologize all the time
An apology is the expression of regret or remorse for what you’ve done. Over-apologizing is a common trait in people pleasers to mask their fear of criticism or rejection and to make everyone around them happy and comfortable.
They apologize when it’s not needed and even when they haven’t done anything wrong. They say sorry even when they are not sorry to smoothen a tense or awkward situation. People pleasers tend to apologize all the time even when it’s not needed because they want to be considered nice and polite and don’t want to disappoint or upset other people.
They never say NO
People pleasers tend to have fear of anger and they feel uncomfortable when someone isn’t happy. So they say YES to every request even if they are going to compromise something of theirs. They find it hard to say NO to either their friends, families, acquaintances, or strangers.
They always say YES to requests even if they badly want to say NO because they’re afraid of losing their friends, reputation, or the fear of people taunting them. They want to be considered great even if they lose their most valued possession in the process. They get overly worried that saying NO will automatically label them as selfish and make people think they don’t care.
They want everyone to like them
People pleasers are often sensitive to rejection which often results in doing everything others want and always striving to keep them happy so that they don’t hate you. They believe that they’ll receive happiness and care when they’re perceived as nice and when they make others happy and comfortable. They feel crushed and withdrawn when someone doesn’t like them and do everything to make sure that they’re liked even if it requires compromising their important stuff.
They always avoid sharing their opinions.
One other characteristic of a people pleaser is the habit of not voicing out their opinions and feelings especially in a group setting. They have a hard time voicing out their thoughts and allow others to make decisions for them.
They are of the impression that voicing out their thoughts may cause division, conflict, or make others around them uncomfortable so they remain silent to make others happy and comfortable around them even if it ends up compromising their ability to stand up for the things or issues that matters to them.
They have a low opinion of themselves
People pleasers often deal with low self-confidence. They tend to feel less of themselves and always think they are not worthy or good enough and feel good and satisfied with themselves when others praise them.
They believe that they’ll lose value in front of others if they’re not in any way useful to them so they spend most of their time pleasing others.
They are quick to agree even if they disagree
It is pure etiquette to listen to others and hear out their opinions but it isn’t always necessary to agree to these things. People pleasers are great listeners even if they find the conversation boring and they tend to agree with others’ opinions even when they disagree with them. They have the habit of putting others’ thoughts before their and put their feelings aside to get approval, love, and care from others.
They are always giving.
People pleasers are core givers. They are always taking and giving something or the other out. They practice the habit of giving because they want to be liked, noticed, and approved by others.
They make various sacrifices and give out with the hope of receiving the same amount of attention, love and care back from others.
They are always busy.
One other sign of a people pleaser is their habit of pulling the busy card all the time. They rarely have time for themselves because they’re always wrapped up with people’s problems and their ceaseless mission of keeping others happy and comfortable.
They never have time for their hobbies, relaxation, or free time for themselves and when they reflect on their actions, they discover that they don’t actually have a “me time” for themselves and are always in the shadow of others as a result of their belief of keeping everyone happy.
You can reject something without sounding rude or sassy. You can be nice without allowing yourself to be used or cleaning up after others’ mess. People can like you based on your abilities, potential, or virtue without you doing anything for them.
Give yourself the attention, love, and care that you’re passing down to others who don’t deserve them. When you focus on your self-care, you’ll automatically be good to others. Stop blaming yourself for others’ misfortunes and put down that bizarre belief that you can make people happy always.
Are you a recovering people pleaser like me? Or are you just noticing according to the signs listed above? Tell me all about your experiences as a people pleaser and what it has deprived you.